so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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