I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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