last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
