I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
