Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
