How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
