I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
