I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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