the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
