Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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