it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
