Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
