OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
it was like eating out sand paper
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
