I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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