I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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