theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
