Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Do vagina's smell?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
