She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
