im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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