My cat gives me a boner
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
