Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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