i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
