Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
