On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
