Already got asked if we're dating
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
