didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I need help removing her.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
