And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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