I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
