you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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