my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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