i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
