It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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