You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
