you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
