I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
