the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
