I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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