how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
