Too much gin, very little bucket
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
