the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
