At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize