I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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