I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Randomize
