what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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