Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
