I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize