FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
