i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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