Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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