I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
this hospital has no fireball
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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