Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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