I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize