I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
