he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
