he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
