Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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