you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
