I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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