i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
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