the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
