just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
