end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
