so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
