And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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