you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
