the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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