I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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