it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
