ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
