You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
